zzbonjovizz (zzbonjovizz) wrote,

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10 years or so since my last post

While no one I know would even see this, I figured that I would update this. I'd have to think maybe only 1 person even knows their password still. I'm just amazed at how this still exists and how open people were to expressing these full thought out thoughts in the past. Nowadays people, while they do sometimes post long epic statuses, tend to keep thoughts a bit shorter in Facebook updates or tweets. I look back and see how silly my posts were or how gramatically incorrect my posts were and I do not regret a minute of that. While I seemed to be limited to where my friends could take me 10 years ago, it does appear like I had some good times. Reading back over the entries there were countless bowling trips, trips to Chickies and Petes, and so many HS events that took place. I believe that social media has kind of led me to this post today. We are all able to see and read about the experiences, careers, events, and happenings in everyones lives. 10 years ago we didn't have much to go off of, but nowadays I am amazed to see all of the things and opportunities the 17/18 year olds of today have in front of them.

I 100% miss high school and I think only recently do I realize it is an opportunity that I'll never have again. If I had the brain that now that I had back then HS would have been a breeze. While my grades were never terrible I just feel like back then we all thought it was so hard but we all could totally handle it. I guess I just miss the fun times that I had with my friends that I'll probably never have again. Our lives were just so worry free, aside from homework and what the girls/guys think of us, back then.

West Chester University was an okay time but I regret that I never made the most of my time. When I first began the college looking process I looked at Bloomsburg and Millersville as they would have been a bit further away. I was so eager to move away from home but once I met Natalie I didn't want to go so far. Eventually West Chester seemed like the best option and I selected it. Still even after selecting it I could never leave my hometown in the rearview mirror. I was so happy to come home all the time to see Natalie and my HS friends while all of my college buddies were off making new memories by joining clubs, organizations, frats, sororities, or just by getting more involved in the college experience. It was about my 3rd year in that I realized that I really missed out by never staying up there and never getting more involved. I wish that I would gone into school undeclared and really felt my way through the process. Maybe I would have even loved to have studided overseas. I had gone from being so involved in HS to doing absolutely nothing in college. I did a semester at the school radio station and then quit the spring semester when I would have had to have stayed up and done the Grand Ram Band Slam. I played flag football for 2 semesters during my freshmen year but did nothing after that. I had gone from being a jack-of-all-trades in HS to just a nobody at college. I just never left my life at home behind. While my college friends all had come from towns where their friends all had left as well, I had come from an area where so many still stayed home. I also never really "partied" until my last semester as I was just that kind of guy. As I had grown closer to the students in my major during my last year, and as we neared the end of our experience, I went our a bit more and made some more lasting memories. I regret now that I am close with 0 people from college. I tried in vain to organize gatherings through FB and text messages but everyone got on with their lifes and either deleted their FB or never got back to messages.

I am just so envious of students nowadays who are 18 and approaching their freshman year as they have so much promise for the future and just time to waste if they choose to waste it and discover who they are. I am upset that I subscribed to the notion that you must declare a major, go through 4 years of college, and then go right into the workforce. While this seems to be the norm for so many people, there are also those who may not start college until 20 as they discover themselves or there are those who after graduating college choose to travel or take a year off to hang out and be young. And now 26 months away from being 30 I look back and feel like l missed so much and don't have much to my name. While I love having stayed so close with the same group of people since I have been 4-5 (and many people can't say that) I just feel like I have missed out on so much life has to offer. All I look forward now is the basic 9-5 daily grind and I guess in the end that is just life for you. You wake up, work, come home ahd have some simple lesiure, and repeat the same process 4-5 times a week only to have such little time to call your own and enjoy your life.

It is just difficult to go back and read my stupid rambling posts and see that I was so full of promise and life and to see where I have wound up today. Of course I still feel energized and still smile everyday at the big and little things, I just wish I could rewind time a bit to where I was 17 or 18 years old. No one was married, no one had children, and we all had a blank slate to work with. We could all pick schools, majors, make new friends, lose friends, but in the end still have time to live our lives and live through our mistake and learn from them. It's funny to think how 10 years later I am still at the same computer desk and still typing into this same journal. Still at home. Still not married. Still no kids. And for some people to think about those ideas at age 27, almost 28, sounds normal still. I just wish I could rewind the clock a bit. i would change so many things that I have done in respect to school, career choices, and trying hard to maintain old friendships. In the end I wish I could say, "I traveled here," or that, "I remember those crazy times/events," but I just never had them. I do think some of this once again comes from social media. Even right this second I go on facebook or instagram and see people out having fun and I just know with my friends that is not who we are...but still we are only 27-33 and we have so much life in us that I wish we would be out late one night making this memories. Even if we are not drinking I just long for these old days. So many of us stopped hanging out and so many of us get mad and hold grudges for such petty stuff that I wish that would all just go away. These are still the times to hang out and maintain old friendships. My dream would be to rent a shore house for the entire summer or even for a week (yes those are two polar opposites) and just pay for everyones room and board to hang out. There would be times where we could all relax by the pool or at the beach and then an occasional night or so where we go out and party or even sit in and party. I would just love to see all 20-30 of us together making the best out of what time we have left.  Maybe this all stems from me not having a huge family and never really doing family vacations but I would just love to experience this awesomeness with people I really love and care about.

Still life at 27/28 still has opportunity to be great and good. I just feel like my time has passed on by. Now is when people focus on their children and marriages and forget about their own pleasures but try to make the lives around them better. One of the hardest things about all of this though is that I really believe no one I know even thinks about the past like this. I am always the one posting old phots and pasting old updates on facebook because I so badly long for those days.

Regardless I still have amazing and awesome people in my life.
Tags: college, fun, life, philadelphia, retrospect, west chester
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